Working with Difficult Coworkers Do’s and Don'ts

Having to deal with a difficult colleague is never going to be fun, even when you love your job and always look forward to getting onto more projects. When, by an unfortunate chance, you have to work with someone who never fails to push your buttons all the time, things are bound to get complicated. First of all, you might be distracted from doing the actual work since you are so busy holding your temper in. Or worse, you are no longer excited about finishing the project because you find collaborating with toxic peers is too exhausting.

Guess what, you are not alone

The good news is you are not the only one struggling. In the book titled Toxic Coworkers: How to Deal with Dysfunctional People on the Job, psychologists Alan A. Cavaiola, PhD, and Neil J. Lavender, PhD, reported their findings after surveying 1,100 employees on working difficulties. The results show that roughly 8 in 10 people have moderate to severe stress as a result of working with a difficult coworker.

Depending on the way you are looking at it, this could mean that the problem is relatively more common than you think, hence the solution might not be that complex. On the other hand, with the overwhelming result of 80%, there is a high chance that you might be that difficult coworker itself. Who knows, right?

So, how do you work around this conundrum?

• Don’t take it personally but do reflect on yourself - It is far easier to paint yourself as the saint and blame it all onto your coworker. However, regardless of how unacceptable and atrocious their behaviour is, you must remember that being professional also means you are not to bring any personal issues to the workplace. You can do some self-reflection to better make sense of the things that irk you the most. By identifying the triggers, you can come up with ways to prevent or deal with them when feeling annoyed.

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• Don’t assume but do communicate - Assumptions are inherently dangerous for any type of relationship. This could lead you to pitting your coworker into the “bad” side before the talk actually happens. The truth is, most of the time people offend others unconsciously. Maybe when someone interrupts you at a meeting, they genuinely think you are done with your materials, or they simply are too eager to jump in and share their support for your ideas. The key here is to communicate clearly and truthfully with your coworker, no matter how awkward it might be for you.
• Don’t be ashamed to ask for help and remember that you do not have to like everyone - If you think that things are already out of hand, do seek advice from your supervisor or HR manager. As someone higher up, they might be able to offer you some helpful insights on how to deal with office conflicts and politics. Anyhow, it is almost impossible for anyone to get along with everyone else so it is normal if you feel that way. Just bear in mind that you are encouraged to do this after you exhausted all of your other options.

Everyone is fighting their own battle, the wise man said. Once you realize that everyone is going through the same problem, you may start to feel more tolerant and accepting when conflicts arise at work. Communication is indeed the trickiest part to achieve goals that need collaborative effort. But as you learn more about others and subsequently yourself, the journey will become easier.

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